Feedback comments — Essay writing

Subject: Essay writing | Task: Argumentative essay on climate change | Tone: Supportive but direct | Performance levels covered: High, Medium, Low

High-performing student

Strength statement: Your essay demonstrates strong structural control — each paragraph opens with a clear claim, develops it with specific evidence, and connects back to the overall argument. The counterargument paragraph in particular shows genuine analytical maturity: you engaged with the opposing view rather than dismissing it.

Improvement guidance: The one area holding this back from the highest band is the conclusion — it currently summarises what was said rather than drawing a broader insight from it. A conclusion at this level should do more than restate: it should tell the reader why the argument matters beyond the essay itself.

Next-step action: Rewrite your conclusion with this question in mind: “So what? What does this argument mean for how we should act or think?” One strong sentence answering that will elevate the whole piece.

Mid-performing student

Strength statement: You’ve shown that you understand the topic well — your examples are relevant and your position is clear throughout. The opening paragraph sets up the argument effectively and the evidence you’ve chosen is appropriate.

Improvement guidance: The main gap is in the analysis. You’re presenting evidence, but you’re not always explaining what it means or how it proves your point. For example, in paragraph 3, you quote a statistic — but the next sentence moves on without explaining why that number matters to your argument.

Next-step action: After each piece of evidence, add one sentence starting with “This shows that…” or “This matters because…” Before your next submission, check every paragraph for at least one analysis sentence.

Alternative phrasing (softer): “You’ve done a lot of the hard work here — the evidence is strong. The next step is making sure you explain what each piece of evidence is doing for your argument. Try adding one ‘this shows that’ sentence after each example.”

Low-performing student

Strength statement: You engaged with the topic and took a clear position, which is the right starting point for any argumentative essay. Some of your examples — particularly the one about rising sea levels — were relevant and showed real understanding of the issue.

Improvement guidance: The essay currently reads more like a list of facts than a built argument. Each paragraph needs to do one thing: make a claim, support it with evidence, and explain how the evidence proves the claim. At the moment, some paragraphs have evidence but no claim, and others have a claim but no supporting evidence.

Next-step action: Before your next draft, write one sentence at the top of each paragraph that begins: “In this paragraph I will argue that…” Then check that everything in the paragraph supports that sentence. Delete anything that doesn’t.

Alternative phrasing (direct): “The facts are there — but they need to be connected to an argument. Each paragraph must have a claim and evidence. Use the sentence starter ‘I will argue that…’ at the top of each paragraph to stay focused.”

Short summary comments

• High: Strong argument and evidence use — elevate the conclusion by moving beyond summary to insight.
• Mid: Good topic knowledge and clear position — develop the analysis after each piece of evidence.
• Low: Clear position taken — now build each paragraph around one claim supported by evidence. Use the sentence starter to stay on track.